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dimanche, février 12, 2006To free, or not to free...I'm 14 weeks along and popping out!! (I mentioned that in my last blog). Perhaps it's the hormones, perhaps it's just life but my emotions have brought me to realize some dreams/desires that are just not attainble at this time of my life. In a sense, I consider them dreams for the FREE. "The free" in terms of those individuals not having limitations of time, energy or finances. (Are there such people... truly?) Anyway, yesterday morning before church I found myself with an intense longing for nature: West Coast nature. I find deep connection and intimacy with the Creator in such a setting. I imagined myself stepping through densly lush forest down a slightly beaten trail. Beside me rippled a clear creek, above me and around me the morning birds twittered their welcome to their world. I could almost smell the wet soil, the foliage and the fresh breeze caressing my face.... Immediately I was brought back to reality as a child's scream in the highchair beside me shook me out of my stupor. Alas. I longed to throw on my running shoes and a cozy fleece and run, run, run to the nearest piece of God's green thumb. I sunk nigh to depression as I pictured how far the nearest possibility was to my location. To step outside my front door- outside my four walled cage- was a jungle of other four-walled-and-a-door habitats. The only pathways within my reach at this time were well-beaten concrete blocks placed with precision one after the other. The only air I could feel and experience with all my being here in this place was stifling and devoid of purity, to say the least. Ugh. In an extreme burst of frustration I sobbed out to my Lord. (and then to Jeremy too) My heart began to adjust to my reality. I refocused. I put aside my moment of self-pity and I chose - without feeling so- perspective. I petitioned the Lord for FREEDOM in my heart, mind and soul. My desire became intimacy, nearness, connection with him in the midst of my position (geographically, sociologically,- every way) in the HERE and NOW. My perspective brought beauty to my present surroundings- possibility, fullfillment, purpose and blessing to my city life. I AM FREE. In Christ I am free.
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